Canada:  Obituary for a once great nation
Halloween:  Why?
Students:  Stupid and Lazy
French:  It's Dying
Metric:  It's Dead
Fan Mail:  The Prime Minister Sends An Auto-Reply
"Free" Medicare:  The Biggest Scam Since Ever
Loyalists:  No More Kings
ISPs:  Not "Providing" Any "Service" Or "Internet" This Way
Alexander Graham Bell:  Kidnapped By The Canadian Government
Music:  If It's Not Frank It Sucks
Gunny Bill:  Allow Myself To Introduce Myself
Weather:  Everyone Talks About It But Gunny Wants Action
Question Period:  What Is A Canadian?
1812:  The Phony War
VW:  The Hitlermobile
War:  What It's Good For
Corporations:  Your Best Friend
Government Scandals:  Business As Usual
Republic:  Let's Get With The Year 5000BC
The USA:  A Friend To All
More Fan Mail:  The Angry Liberal

9/12/02.  Old Gunny is pissed and he's not gonna take it anymore!  Twisted Sister was right:  Fuck all a' yall!   I was down at the bar the other night and had a bit too much to drink.  Some assclown said that the States never landed no moon saucer on the moon.  Well I didn't like that too much and I punched that scrawny geek right in his withered old melon.  Stupid nancyboy.  Sadly, I broke my fingers on that rich momma's boy's Armani glasses.  I went down to see old Doc Jones and I had to wait in a line.  Then I had to get my card out and register.  I was never one too much for letters and readin' and it took me damn well 20 minutes to fill out that goddamned form.  Then I had to wait in a room with a bunch of sick fancies.  Finally I got to wait in another, *different* room for the doctor.  Why am I paying 50 percent of my income to this commie government to provide me a health system that SUCKS SHIT?  Please privatize this mess and send me the bill.  In the States you're treated like the customer you are and you get what you want.  Here they make you feel guilty if you go the the emergency room with chest pains because you're "burdening the system."  The system I'M PAYING FOR YOU STUPID FUCK!  I told that Doctor that I'm *his* boss and he better get the corn cobs outta his ears and listen to me!  What a hassle!!  I didn't have that much trouble getting medical help up on Omaha Beach when I nearly had my leg blown clear off.  It was hanging by a string but the medics we had were the best.  They patched me up with some bubblegum and a coat hanger and I made it up that goddamned beach and took those Krauts by surprise.  Those fairy Krauts thought they nailed ol' Gunny but no siree.  It'd take more than a near amputation and severe blood loss to stop me!   By the way, to that guy I disfigured at the bar, the States did land on the moon.  I saw it with my own eye (one's glass courtesy Fritz) on that there moving picture box.  Open up your damned eyes you fool and take a look around.  Oh, and you're gay.

9/2/02.  Straight from the CIA Factbook.  This is just in support of what Chess was saying earlier.  I've gotten complaints that "the monarchy is just a figurehead."  Really?  Check out what it says under "elections."  This is real.  Why aren't Canadians more upset about this?  Canada needs to become a republic TODAY!

9/2/02.  Old Gunny likes to "surf" the Internet as much as the next red-blooded American.  But really the only reason it's called "surfing" is so all these white doughballs sitting in front of their computers won't feel so bad that they're doing jack squat with themselves other than feeling their asses grow.  Anyway I use a cable modem because Gunny hates to wait.  The Internet on cable ain't cheap either.  Gunny lives on a pitiful Veteran's pension but I need to see the pretty ladies.   Don't even get me started on my pension.  I've been shot at and near enough died trying to make sure all you snotty kids still get to hang out at the mall doing shit all.  But what I can't stand is when my internet service  goes down which it does often.  It's down right now.   It's not that it goes down that makes Gunny so angry but why should someone have to pay for the days when there is no Internet?  I've had it go down for an entire half day once.  Once right in the middle of a $100 download.  When I got the bill though I had to pay for that day too.  Why?  These eggheads up in Washington should do something about this.  Gunny says you should only pay for the service as long as it's up.  But no, Gunny "doesn't know what he's talking about."  Old people "don't understand the Internet".  Gunny has a "restraining order against him preventing him from entering the cable company's office."   And when you call up the cable compant for service you get the standard reply about not being able to come down there for 10 days or you can wait at home between 9 and 5 or whatever.  Dammit.  I want action now! 

9/1/02.  What the fuck?  I remember reading a while back about how the Canadian government was upset because the Amercian government declared someone other than Alexander Graham Bell as the inventor of the telephone.  Well I'm not even going to argue that because it's probably true.  Back then it was the guy who got to the Patent Office first.  But what gets my goat is the Canadian government.  What's their major malfunction?  Bunch of bacon-eating blouse wearers.  Are they trying to say that the telephone is a Canadian invention?  What you say?  How is something invented by a SCOT while living in BOSTON a Canadian invention?  Oh.  Right.  Bell did later move to Brantford so I guess the telephone is Canadian?  Stupid of me.  But then again this is the same government that claims basketball as a Canadian invention.  Invented in Springfield, Mass. by a Canadian.  Well you can't have it both ways you queers.  For an invention to qualify as Canadian either its invented by a Canadian somewhere else or its invented in Canada by someone other than a Canadian.  Choose.   Basketball or the telephone?    Oh and by the way, the Canadarm?  That's not an "invention".  I saw this listed in an article about the top Canadian inventions.  It's a fucking robot arm!  They've been around for years!  You didn't invent robotics!  And anyone could have built that!  It's something you BUILT not INVENTED!  Get a clue you stupid Canucks!

8/22/02.  Ugh.  Kids today.  I can't even walk down the goddamn street anymore without hearing that shitty music they play.  All these whining sissified girl-boys singing about God knows what.  I tell ya I'd like to smack some sense into them.  I haven't bought a record since Frank died.  When he died that was it for music.  Now we got the likes of that snot-nosed Eminem character.  Boy I'd like to smack that kid.  He's not worthy to clean the skidmarks outta Frank's tightie whities.  Lucky for me I still got all my old 45s and 78s.  The last time I went record shopping I thought I was in a goddamn porno store with all those teenagers on the covers wearing practically nothing.  I guess they gotta do what they gotta do because they sure as hell can't sing worth a rat's ass.  Not like old Frankie.  No way.  And him and Dean could drink all these annoying pukes under the table.   And what the hell was that I was listening to in the store anyway?  Some fancyboy periwinkle was going on about bitches and hos and how he "jacked" some pimp or something.  Why don't the cops find that guy and arrest him?  Lazy cops.  Anyway I'd like to see what that guy woulda done on Omaha beach.  I guarantee his pants woulda filled with shit faster than the lone outhouse at the County Fair after the bean eating contest.  Anyway  I went to the counter to ask the clerk for a Frankie record and she looked at me like I was speaking some kinda weird moon man language.  Not only had she not heard of Frankie but she didn't even know what a record was.  Well, I straightened her out.  I straightened her out with a boot to the spine.  I got away before the cops showed up but I'm probably banned from that store for awhile.

8/21/02.  Can't the government do something about this goddamned heat?  I don't understand why the hell it has to be so hot in the city.  We've been to the moon but these college-bred sparkplugs can't do a thing about the sun baking my ass day in day out.  I haven't experienced heat like this since I was pinned down by the Kraut artillery back in '42.  Why can't these pork-fed politicians we elect take some of our hard-earned tax money and set up some kind of plexiglass dome or city-wide sprinkler system?  But if they decide on the dome I better not find that skank Pauly Shore in it.  Did you see that awful Biodome film?  After the first 5 minutes I walked out for a refund and wouldn't leave the theater until I got it.  Well that and the cops showed up.  I served this country and took two bullets in my ass and yet I'm still force fed shit from the Hollywood crap factory.   Back in my day we had real stars like Gregory Peck and Lee Marvin.  Me and Marvin actually landed at Red Beach together and fought our way halfway up Suribachi.  The only thing Pauly Shore has ever fought for was air while I was heaving kicks into his chest with my steel toed combat boots.  Anyway, lissen up you philandering ass nugget politicians:  Get off your asses and get some work done for a change.

8/21/02.  Hey all you jerkbots and assclowns.  I'm taking over this column because I'm sick and tired of  you damned nancyboys prancing around this page like you owned it.  Well lissen up!  Ahmina set this page right!  I've hauled my ass through WWII, Korea and 'Nam!  All while you college-fed, tree-kissin' hippies were dancing around smoking the crazy weed drug.  That's what this country so desperately needs.  Another war to weed out all you doughy xboxers.  When I was sixteen I lied about my age to join the Marine corps. Normally my 303 does my talking but for now I'll have to settle with this fairy boy blue page.  Hey, I've got a joke for you:  What's orange, yellow and red and looks good on a hippie?  Fire! 

8/20/02 

What is a Canadian?
A Canadian is someone who drinks Brazilian coffee from an English teacup and munches a French pastry while sitting on their Danish furniture having just come home from an Italian movie in their German car.

He/She picks up their Japanese pen and writes to their Member of Parliament to complain about the American take-over of the Canadian publishing business.

Hey I know there's a lot of Canadian bashing on this page but, believe it or not, I'm a patriot and love Canada.  More than you do you commie.  I care enough to write all this stuff down to let people know that this was *once* a *great* nation.  We were powerful and had conviction and would stand up for the little guy.  Now we're just a bunch of noodle-armed choir boys prancing around talking about rights this and rights that.  But no one wants to fight for them.  They'd rather let the US pay for our defence while we throw our money away on the Canoe Hall of Fame.  Our vets can't afford to bury themselves and have to hold bake sales to raise the money, yet our government builds this shite?  Screw off.  Well I want the old Canada back.  And this is the only way I know to do it.

8/19/02.  One thing a Canadian will always tell you is that Canada is the only country to have beaten America on its own soil.  Ah, the War of 1812.  S'funny, because I coulda sworn that confederation occurred 1867.  There was no Canada in 1812 you morons!  This was a British colony and it was the British who were fighting the Americans.  'Sides, everyone knows the Americans won the war.  As a Second War of Independence, the Americans were just looking for a way to tell the Brits that the Revolution was real, it happened, and you better start respecting America.  After 1812, the Brits never bothered the Yanks again.  Victory for the Yanks.  And please Canada.  If all you have to be proud of  is something that happened almost *200* years ago...I don't even know how to finish that sentence.  This one little insignificant war between the British and the Americans and somehow the Canadians equal it to landing a man on the moon.  Canada, where the women are women and the men are women.  If anything, Britain is Canada's enemy.  Thanks for the leaky subs jerks!

8/19/02.  All you hippies driving around in your VW bugs or those stupid VW vans:  You look like idiots!  You stupid morons.  You put peace stickers and crap all over them not realizing you're driving around in the HITLERMOBILE!!  You  assclowns! Do you have any sense of history at all?  Hitler commissioned  the design and production of  the VW.  There are Jews alive today who were forced to build them.  Do you hear what I'm saying?  VW used slave labour to build them and you're driving around with a stupid flower in the dashboard vase.   Wake up! 

8/11/01  War.  What is it good for?  Lots of stuff actually.  The internet, computers, the space program, jets, jeeps, silly putty, cell phones and satellites,  just off the top of my head.  All things that came out of wartime research and development.  The most important result of war?  Your fucking freedom.  Shut the fuck up all you campus-prancing hippies.  Everything you have was given to you by somebody else.  And most of those somebody else's died trying to give it to you.  Everyday you should be on your hands and knees thanking God above for the Greatest Generation.  If only Patton were alive today.  He wouldn't let your ad-busting asses off with just a water cannon.  And don't give me "There are always alternatives to war."  How simple are you?  Tell that to the Blacks enslaved in the South prior to the American Civil War.  Tell that to survivors of the Holocaust.  Tell that to the people who didn't catch the last ride out of Saigon.  Tell that to the women of Afghanistan who just wanted their jobs back.  Tell that to Eastern Europeans forced to live under Communism for fifty years.  Just don't tell it to me.

8/10/01.  It's hard not to have heard about all the "corporate scandal" in the news lately.  Mostly from liberals who love big government and can't wait to see more regulation to try and reign in *everyone's* arch-enemy; capitalism.   Best. Economic system.  Ever.  What escapes our flamingo friends is this:  At least in the corporate world people are arrested when it's found out that they misappropriated funds!  A string of CEOs being escorted out of their office buildings in handcuffs.  Cheats are not appreciated by capitalists.  So, they're weeded out and sent to *prison*!!  Imagine, someone steals someone else's money and they go to jail!  Funny how this happens everyday in our bloated government and yet nothing is done about it.  Wouldn't it be refreshing to see a bureaucrat taken away to jail?   A public servant "loses" a million or two?  Nothing happens.  Backroom deals with party supporters involving phony contracts?  No-one is to blame.  It's the strangest thing because I could have sworn that *that's *my* money!!*  The government doesn't have any money!  They don't produce anything and then sell it and make a profit.  The citizens agree to pool *their* money with them and then spend it in certain ways.  That's it.  If I had a bunch of buddies and we all agreed to chip in a buy a big screen TV and they come back with a small TV and some magic beans I wouldn't give them my money anymore.  Unfortunately, with the government you can't "opt out".  There's no way to get off their mailing list.