These are pretty much the biggest webpages I've ever made.  Deal.  The gorgeous photos you see below are the thumbnails. I'm not kidding.  Click 'em if you've got a 30 inch Apple Cinema display.   hahaha.  The pics are not in any order either.  Do you want my blood too?

What follows aren't even half of the pictures I snapped.  Maybe I'll post some more later and maybe I won't.  The bottom line is that no matter how good the camera is or how good of a photographer you are you can only capture 1% of what New York really is so why bother even trying.  Factor in that I'm a terrible photographer and you've really got a problem.  The best advice I can give you is get down there as soon as possible.  Besides, if I took a photo of every interesting thing I saw in Manhattan I wouldn't have time to enjoy my vacation.  I'd love to take a week though down there with a digital SLR and really go to town.  Taking portraits of native New Yorkers and stuff.  That'd be great.

Random Thoughts.

*  Tons to report.  Best NYC trip in a long while.  It was...incredible.  I'm just starting that month long period of depression where I'm sad I had to leave the City and where I vow to somehow immigrate.  It's so crazy good there.  Everyone looks so fabulous and where else can you find 30 wireless networks from a room in the Y?  Why pay at Starbucks to check your email when the entire island of Manhattan is one giant hotspot?

Ga ga ga gooey!

*  The funniest thing is when you see a Torontonian hit the street with their mouth open in a moment of stunned silence in which they realize they've been lied to all their lives.  There was a chick like that on 5th and 55th who ordered a hot dog: "I'm Canadian." she says to the guy.  I was waiting for her to add "And they think I'm slow eh?".  Dude's like "What do you want?  A discount?  And why are your standing right beside me behind my cart?  Can't you see I'm working here?"  Anyway I thought I'd show her how a real New Yorker orders a dog.  So from 20 feet back I stick two fingers in the air.  As I pass the cart he hands me my dogs and I throw some random bills into his hand.  Transaction complete.  Sure, those dogs cost me $300 but that's not the point.  Canadian tourists are so embarassing.  You'll be strolling down Ninth and here comes Johnny Canuck in a Maple Leaf t-shirt and a 12 inch flag planted in his beltloop.  Dude, there's a reason you're travelling alone.  Why not just get it over with and break out the face paint my friend?  Besides, that "I Am Canadian" schtick only works in Europe if at all.  It certainly won't do anything for you in the Big Apple except get you mugged you stupid hayseed. 

*  Anyway, I gauge my NYC trips by the number of times I get asked for directions which is usually a lot.  This trip though I hit the motherlode when a guy stopped me on Broadway and 79th asking if I was registered to vote in Manhattan.  Here's a guy whose job it is is to pick out New Yorkers from the crowd and he picked me.  I told him of course I was registered in my best Brooklyn accent and took off.

*  We managed to catch a great night of comics at Stand Up New York.  I've never seen a bad show there.  Steve Byrne was there and he had me laughing so hard I snorted.  He appreciated it anyway.

*  And lucky us it was a night of premieres on MTV on Sunday Stew so we got to see the first episode of Viva La Bam Season Five and the series premiere of the Andy Milonakis Show which had me on the floor.  "Minty sangwich, minty minty sangwich!"  "But I'm an old man who can't use new technology!"

*  Money.  You can never bring enough.  I had a stack of Bennys that I thought would do pretty well but they were gone in a flash.  I came back home with exactly one dollar in my wallet.  A single and two rides on my Metro card.  You should budget $20 per city block walked.  Don't ask me where the money goes though.

*  There's a reason there's a Starbucks every city block.  That's as far as a man can make it without a iced coffee on a summer day in Manhattan.  They're like little oases.

*  What else?  Manhattan businesses are so desperate for warm bodies it's crazy.  In Old Navy there's a chick who goes up to customers and asks if they'd like to fill out a job application.  I mean there must have been hundreds of people working in this Old Navy alone so it makes total sense.  And that's just one store.  You can pretty much find a job doing anything just by snapping your fingers.

Jay Buhner Rookie Card.
A gift.  From Kenny Kramer for
answering "What was the name of the
showerhead Kramer and Newman
bought at the Market Diner?"
I was the only one who knew.

	Here's a view of the outside of the Nintendo World Store down near 30 Rock.
	Workmen inside were busy breaking bricks setting up a Donkey Konga Lounge.
	One of the 30 Gold GBA SPs signed by Miyamoto was on display.  Later I got to shake Miyamoto's hand.  In a dream I had later that night.
	They even had some of the original playing cards that Nintendo started their business with over 100 years ago.  Take that Xbox!
	A satisified customer of the Nintendo World Store.  I wonder what he bought?
	Sis in front of the Soup Kitchen. Al didn't even open this year because he's so busy with his franchising efforts.  Well that and he's got so much money he doesn't have to work again until forever.  If you don't know what I'm talking about I'm sorry but I can't waste any more time on you.
	Sis and Kenny Kramer share a tender moment at the end of the tour.
	Sis and her idol, Kenny Kramer.  It was kind of creepy how Kramer was coming onto my sister.  He was all playing with her hair and stuff.  I was half expecting him to ask her out and was entirely expecting my sister to ask him out.
	Kramer taking our picture in from of Tom's.
	Another interesting thing about Manhattan is how dog friendly it is.  You wouldn't think so but you'd be wrong.  Sis and I met so many dogs I lost count.  We met a Boston named Popeye on Ninth, a pug on Park Ave and this tiny tiny chihauha down in the Village.  Then there was Oliver the Bloodhound on West 55th.  Oliver was being walked by the doorman of a building.  He was so cool.  This young guy with iced out earrings.  He was so nice introducing us to Oliver who was practically melting into the sidewalk it was so hot.  Poor little thing.  But there's a mystery as well.  Manhattan must use some sort of special brand of concrete that's super hard or something to prevent crumbling.  They use iron to reinforce the curbs after all but even they get crushed into the street.  It's crazy.  Anyhow, walking on sidewalks here is like walking barefoot in talcum powder in comparison.  What happens in Manhattan after a day of walking is that you find your shoes have disintegrated and your feet have turned black.   We call it blackfoot and you'll find that it can spread to almost anything.  You can catch blackbag, blackshirt whatever.  It's just the grease and grime from a day of walking in Manhattan.  Sis and Mars both had to throw out a pair of shoes twice and I lost one pair myself.  I've got a picture of blackfoot but it's pretty gross so I didn't post it.  What I want to know is how dogs get by in Manhattan without their little paws ending up like the end of a KFC drumstick?
	We took the Holland Tunnel when we left.  See that truck?  They're everywhere in New York. They're owned by private demo companies and are filled with rubble from buildings being torn down.  Some guys paint wicked art on the side of them like Lady Liberty shooting a machine gun and stuff.  It totally rules.
	Yes, the DOT actually installs these.  I snapped this on W58th.
	Another DOT classic.  Fine for thinking of parking there?  5 large.
	One of my favorites.  Has to be the most unenforceable traffic sign anywhere.  I think a good gag would be to show up in a uniform and start charging people who honk.  You could make a nice chunk of change.
	Look closely and you'll see someone has locked up their unicycle.  Only in New York.
	Fifty per cent of all deliveries in NYC are made on foot.   The other fifty are made on bicycle.   Think about that for a second.  You could be a pizza delivery guy in NYC and not have a car or even a  license.  For that matter you could be anything in NYC and not have a car or even a license.
	An impromptu chess game on Broadway and 110th.  After that helpful lady pointed it out a group of kibitzers soon congregated.

Continue to Part II.

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