WELCOME to bombz-away.com where things don’t seem what they are. Now I’m usually doin all this at like 3 in the morning so don’t be frightened of my gross reporting style. My head is spinning, i’m on my fifth Nestea and zen is clawing at my leg. So enjoy the powerhouse empire known as bombz-away.com.

Bombz-away.com was forged in the flames of imagination and dull humour. At bombz we strive to provide our viewers with fun, excitement, and above all mind thrilling, ass numbing entertainment. So hang onto your eggs and stay awhile. I don’t claim this site is the greatest or the worst on the net. Bombz-away.com just exists.

On constructing a website.

So I thought to myself, people make websites…yeah many people make websites. Then I thought to myself can I build a site? Of course I can build a site. Why not? All I need is paper. Yeah paper in the shape of a paddle…of cooooouuurse I can build a site. After all McKenzie is a handsome guy and Helen is on a hayride with him. Ahhhh Helen. Helen wouldn’t kiss McKenzie. But, he’s handsome, and he would make a pass at her! Oh but Helen would stop him…no she wouldn’t! after all Helen is getting old and what do I have to offer her? Ooops I’m getting the 7 year itch, sorry.

So then I thought to myself I’ll build me a site. Not the best site, not the worst. Well maybe it is the worst. Well you can decide. But I must warn you if you don’t want to be offended in any way, shape, or form, try some other site. But I guarantee you will be thoroughly entertained.

A small treatise on fruit-flavored beverages.

Okay, it’s now time for me to give all you millions of readers the low down on a drink I just guzzled. “Fruitopia”. 1.89L carton. A refreshing package describing the drink as “good fruit dreams ending up here”. Some kinda green human grabbing onto an oversized tangerine while water refreshingly dribbles down the peel. A couple of slices of tangerine dripping water. Within seconds I had my lips wrapped around that spout and I began guzzling it. What a crock of baloney! I can’t describe the taste but it wasn’t tastey at all,and it left me thirstier than a monkey smooching salt lick. Now who the hell knows why but I find the bottled has a better taste????? Must be scientific or something….beyond my knowledge. So my conclusion is, the 1.89L carton Tangerine Fruitopia is good enough to swallow but it’s not very yummy.

A monograph I have written on gardens.

I’ve been fascinated by gardens for years now. I think it’s a calming, peaceful thing. But I have a problem. When I skip downtown to the local library to read up on plants and things, I crack open a book and damn I get pissed…..maybe it’s just me being an idiot but reading through books the author turns me right off. I hate the way the author speaks. If this doesn’t make sense to you then let me be blunt, the author thinks he/she is king or queen shit. This view of mine is placed upon many horticulturalists and wanna be hardcore gardeners. They make me feel as if they look down on me , with their nose in the air. Now if my attitude is turning some of you readers off to me, change websites. Others keep reading.

So I have dedicated a section of bombz-away.com to gardening, bombz style. Brought to you by the dirty gardener. Oh and btw I apologise to the good many gardeners out there who sat down with me and shot the shit like we were a couple of regular joe’s.

Alrighty, we’re gonna talk about roses. WARNING!!!!!! This material is only to be read by non-annoying gardeners. A person who has no idea how to garden and just wants to spruce up the yard. So anyway since I get many a questions on how to plant roses, sit down my child and I will teach you. First dig a hole. How wide u ask? Wide enough….how deep? Not too deep, cause that can cause your rose to do something bad. Trust me you don’t wanna know what that is. Now take a pair of sharp hmmmmm cutters and slice the pot. Now gently, I said gently, slide off the pot without disturbing the rootball. Toss in your pre-made mix (Lets see how about 1 part moist peat, 1 part soil, and a few handfuls of your finest bone meal) just a layer at the bottom and toss the rose on top. Now use the rest of the soil. Always make sure the bud union is 2 and half cm below the soil level. That leaves us with one last step, invite a neighbour or as many as possible over. Remove 1 piece of garment. Holding hands, surround the rose. Moving clockwise, simultaneously spit up into the air. Don’t ask me what that last step is for, but many people in Europe do it, and it works wonders for there roses…….-------the dirty gardener

In response to comments made by Chess the Cat.

So I was browsing through chessthecat.com and ran into a couple of very good questions which I feel I must address. Chess my friend in 1986 you asked the questions “are computers here to stay and are they ruining the brain?”

Well chess, I’m answering your question about 16 years too late but like I always say, “better late than never”. here’s my answer,

This is an educated guess. Yes I think the computer is here to stay. To most of you who don’t know, the computer has been a vital part of our society for some time now. Libraries have adopted the computer,as well as office buildings, zoo’s, schools, governments, rub and tugs, the local butcher, amusement parks, and so on. If for any chance computers are shunned, our world will be, let me put it nicely, screwed.

And now chess, the question about the ruined brain. Yes computers will ruin the brain. Have you not read the article about the 90 year old grandma who spent 18 hours a day on the computer and ended up losing all of her eggs? or the six year old boy who spent hours on the net with his dog watching by his side. Well apparently now the dog is acting like a bird, specifically like a small yellow bird.

Chess these are only 2 articles out of many I have read. So the lesson in all this is, if you don’t want your brain to turn to moosh, turn off the computer and spend quality time in front of your television.