Sigh. What will that stupid, senile old goat of a
Prime Minister do next? I just saw a report on the news that said that
Chretien is building a new museum in--where else?--Ottawa. At a cost of
$90 million dollars of your money we can now look forward to a new museum
dedicated to Canadian politics. WTF? My blood is near boiling.
Ninety MILLION! What's going in the museum? Fuck if I know.
Jack Layton said he "has been a professor of political science for 30 years and
has never heard one professor who teaches it call for a museum to be created."
The same report also mentioned how Ottawa has been earmarked for a whole bunch
of other useless shit like a brand new HQ for the CBC. All in all, $300
million bucks will be spent in Ottawa this year; some of it to employ
'Duplicating Equipment Operators' at a cost of $40 000 a year because the
government is too scared to tell the Union that maybe we don't need Duplicating
Equipment Operators anymore. Meanwhile, the
Vimy Ridge Memorial in France is crumbling and WWII veterans have to beg at
Wal-Mart to get the
Juno
Beach Centre built. WTF? I can barely conceal my rage
anymore. I swear if I ever see Chretien in the street I'll hoof him in the
nuts so hard. The second I have my diploma I'm out of here. I simply
can't live in this liberal backwater anymore.
5/31/03. Yesterday I wrote
about how I hate academics. And
when I hear
about parallel universes I hate them even more. According to
Scientific American--which might as well change their name to Secular
American--parallel universes are 'not just a staple of science fiction but a
direct implication of cosmological observations.' They're absolutely
'real.' Haha.
Read more...
You know
when you're walking down the street and you feel like someone is watching you?
Or you're walking down what you think is an empty hallway but you feel like
someone is staring at you? And when you turn around you find that someone
is? Well, Rupert Sheldrake has written a book about that feeling called "The
Sense of Being Stared At." He was on the CBC recently and that's where
I first heard of him. He claimed that people could tell 60% of the time
when they were being stared at which is higher than the 50% that one might
expect by chance. He performed his experiment in the studio. He'd
flip a coin to determine whether he would stare at the subject who was turned
around. The subject had to then declare whether or not he was being stared
at. At the end of the experiment the subject guessed right exactly half
the time; the expected result. But Mr. Sheldrake claimed that that
had happened by chance. He also claimed that he's observed the phenomenon
demonstrated over distances spanning thousands of miles. At any rate, I do
know the sensation of being stared at and thought I'd conduct my own experiment
with Starsmars. I scored exactly 10 out of 20 tries. Frankly, I was
surprised. I really thought I'd have scored higher. Why am I telling
you this? Because I hate academics.
Since Anaheim is getting hammered like there's no tomorrow I
changed the poll question. Who's your favorite
World War II General?
This is probably the coolest
case mod I've ever seen.
Time for a couple quizzes. Can you tell
art from crap?
I scored 11 out of 16 so I guess I can. One thing I can't claim
however, is that I'm a 'blogoholic.'
I scored 32/100 which resulted in: "You are a casual weblogger. You
only blog when you have nothing better to do, which is not
very often.
There's nothing wrong with that. But if you'd post a little more often,
you'd make your readers very happy." To which I reply what readers?
Everyone knows that blogs don't actually get read by anyone.
"Website content management author Gerry McGovern says
that something like
70 per cent of most websites goes unread. (/.)
Despite that, when putting content on the web, "rarely do we ask the question:
is anybody interested in reading that?"
5/30/03. In December 1994
Netscape unveiled Navigator 1.0. Download it
here.
Don't have any black friends? Need one? Try
Rent-A-Negro.
Originally I wasn't going to link to this but the National Post did and so did
Salon.com so
don't yell at me. Anyway it kind of reminds me of an
old favorite of mine:
Black People Love
Us!
5/29/03. "I had a customer who phoned in a
panic because his mouse pointer wouldn't go any further across the screen. After
the usual questions to see if the computer had frozen (it hadn't) the customer
said, "No, it won't go any further because I've run out of desk space." The guy
thought that position of the mouse on the desk was analogous to the position of
the pointer on the screen. He had no idea you could pick the mouse up and move
it without screwing things up." Check out this wicked page of
tech support horror
stories.
One of the things that makes America a truly great nation is
Public Access television. In the USA it's the LAW that any nerd or jerkbot
can get on TV and have his say. Well, some nerds in Portland have a show
on Public Access called
The
Chess Show.
This is the kind of show that just makes my mouth water. Why don't we have
a show like that here and why aren't the
Bad News Chess
Bears running it? Jerkbot CRTC. Anyway, they have a wicked
cool theme song and have some
archived video here. Or, if you
send them
fifteen bucks, they'll mail you a tape of the show. Wanna hear the theme song for The Chess Show? Click
here.
(Or right click and Save Target As). Here are the lyrics as best as
I can make out:
It's the Chess Show
So European
It's the Chess Show
Let the game begin
It's the Chess Show
Yeah! Outta Site!
It's the Chess Show
On your tv tonight
Sit down in a dirty black vest
Get ready for the wacky game of chess
And if you got no one to play
Tune in and call us today
So get ready to have some fun
Just call us 243-7461
My hat is off to The Chess Show.
Here's a guy who came up with a way to let a computer play chess by using
his scanner as the board.
5/28/03. Iraqis are impatient
and can't wait for McDonald's to set up shop, so they've done the next best
thing and
opened a MaDonal's complete with golden arches.
My
grandfather was up at Wal-mart the other day and they're taking donations for
the soon to be built Juno Beach Center in Normandy, France. The girl
taking donations got to talking to him and told him about the center. She
asked him if he 'ever heard of Juno Beach.' He had to laugh because he
landed on Juno Beach in 1944 with the
Royal Hamilton Light Infantry.
And yeah, of course there was no way for her to know that or that he was a vet
but you'd still think that she'd realize that someone who's eighty years old
would have at least heard of it. Come on, I can name all five beaches.
Just a funny story. Or a sad story I guess depending on your point of
view. We laugh at Americans for not knowing anything about Canadians but
how much more do Canadians know about Canadians?
Here's
a site
that takes a random word from a three million word dictionary, adds .com to the
end of it and sends you there.
Making a
note of something on a piece of paper
May
15
Earlier on I heard something that I
wanted to remember. I found a pen and wrote it down on a piece of paper.
If I need to be reminded of the information at any point I will find the
piece of paper and read it.
5/27/03. Remember in
Independence Day
when they used a dude's iBook to upload a virus to the Alien Mothership?
What was that all about? Or ever notice how in most movies the easiest way
to get by a 'Permission Denied' message is simply to tell the computer to
'Override' it? Well, here's a comprehensive
list of what computers can do in movies.
Want a smoke but you're stuck at work or you've quit? Have
a
Virtual Smoke Break.
5/26/03. I changed the poll
question to "Who are you rooting for to win the Stanley Cup?"
I've included
a form where
you can submit any funny, interesting or just plain strange links for posting
here. That form is normally accessed through the link at the
top of this blog. I've also changed the
e-mail link on the sidebar from a direct e-mail link to a
feedback form to make it quicker and
easier for you to send me an e-mail.
Commenting has returned!
The hardest part about
ebaying is having to come up
with new feedback. If you've ever ebayed before you know all feedback is
simply a recombination of the phrases 'A++++++++++++',
'Great ebayer!!!!!', and 'Will do business with again!!.' Fortunately
someone has come up with a
random feedback generator to save you some time. It really works too.
Can you spot the fake between these feedbacks? (Highlight the paragraph
for the answer!)
-AAA+++++ Quick and Easy Transaction, fast shipping! Highly
Recommended! FAKE
-Great Person to do Business With! ~Excellent Item~ A +++ Thanks.
REAL
-Great communications!! Great asset to eBay and will do business with again. A+.
REAL
Newspaper subscriptions are down. Seems like more and more
people are getting their news off the Web. But what if you need to
write a
ransom note?
Back in high school we used to stack the team during a chess
tournament and I once competed in a tournament after graduating but here's a
College that has a real
problem with ringers. Best line from the article: 'Hey, I
saw that guy in Chess Life magazine! I didn't know he was a student at such and
such university.'
Cleaned up the blog by dividing it into month long chunks. Scroll to the
bottom of this page to find a menu with links to each month.
5/23/03.
Added the quick poll down in the corner and cleaned up the sidebar a bit.
The cool thing about the poll is that once you've voted you're brought to a
forum where you can make comments. Please tag me if you're having problems
with the poll.
What
do people request for their last meals? Morbid I know but I'm
fascinated by stuff like this. But for the record, I'm against the death
penalty. I can hear the collective "Whaaa?"
Need a gift idea for me? You don't? Crumb. If
you did, here's a great one:
a USB
drive watch. Here's another:
an electrified
jacket. Yeah, the jacket is technically for women but I'm as weak as a
woman. If by 'woman' you mean small girl. Meh.
5/22/03.
Originally I was rooting for
Jersey
but now I'm going for
Ottawa. I can't stand the Sens but if Jersey wins then that's it for
me for hockey this year because the final will mean nothing to me. If
Ottawa gets in I'll watch it just to see
Lalime and
Giguere head to head. I'd root for Ottawa to take it all albeit
reluctantly. Ottawa sucks but how could I live knowing the words 'The
Mighty Ducks' were etched on the
Holy
Grail forever? At least if Ottawa takes it all it might upset some
Leaf fans. I'll tell you one thing though, that Emilio Estevez is one hell
of a coach.
5/21/03. Time for a change
here at chessthecat.com. Not only have I changed the layout and the page
style but I decided to get rid of some of the dead wood and put more focus on
the blog. I was running out of space on my server anyway. I like
this new look. I just feel it's a lot cleaner and easier to read. It
also resolves the whole 800x600 or 1024x768 resolution issue.
What if you could search your life itself? DARPA is
working on such a project;
Lifelog.
Wired puts
a slightly negative spin on it but this is something I've wanted for awhile now.
Have you ever sat on the couch and tried to remember something you said or did
and the natural instinct to Google for it came into your head before you
realized that there was nothing to Google? The Pentagon and DARPA want to
build a database that would hold everything. Every magazine you read,
every phone call you've made, every e-mail you've sent and so on. The end
result would be a searchable database of your entire life.
This guy has tried to electronically store his entire life.
He scans every bit of paper, every document, he records every telephone
conversation; he calls his project
MyLifeBits. Yeah,
privacy advocates will hate this one but I think it'd be pretty useful actually.
Oh, and by the way, if you think you could build such a database and the tool to
be able to search it,
DARPA wants to pay you lots of money! Thanks
/.
If you find an atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!
You may be moved to try and witness to these poor lost
souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!
Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or
they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.
Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for
these grouches. Let the adults handle them.
I bought Jerry
Seinfeld's Comedian the other day. I had no choice. It was never
going to show here in a million years. It was pretty good but that awful
Orny Adams guy should be cut right out of it. He sucked. The best
thing about this movie was all the footage of the New York comedy clubs,
especially 79th Street Stand-up. I've been there a couple of times.
The last time I was there with Starsmars we were laughing so hard I think I
vomitted. Check that place out. (Tip: take the Kramer reality
tour and Kenny Kramer will hook you up with passes that waive the cover.)
Anyway, unless
you're a diehard Jerry fan or a fan of documentaries I'd say this is a rental
only because Orny ruined this movie for me.
Reading that
article again just made me realize what a great group of Bones my friends
are. We ruled the school man. We were the baddest ass chess team
that ever lived. What can I say? If had the time or the inclination
I'd tell the whole story. I still may, but for now, as a tribute I present
the Hamilton City Champs, St. Mary's SS's winningest team: The Black
Knights!
The Coach
Tao Jones
Car Keys
Freezingwarm
Aristotle
Chess the Cat
5/19/03. It was a YEAR AGO
when Freeze, Stars, and I
went to visit Tao Jones up in Ottawa! How time flies.
5/18/03. Check it out:
Cocosnail.com is alive
and well. Best of all, it's all about chess baby!
"A wind discharge is ascertained by sound or smell. If neither
is present, then no wind discharge has taken place. It is a mere sensation that
might have no substance."
They say that if you give an infinite number of monkeys an
infinite number of typewriters they'll eventually produce all the works of
Shakespeare. Researchers at Plymouth University gave a computer to
six monkeys but
they
failed to produce a single word. They did manage to smash the keyboard
with a rock and to urinate all over the computer.
From NBC Action News: A metro pizza man says -- not even a tornado
will keep him from making his delivery.
Jule Dugger, a delivery man for Papa John's Pizza, was on Leavenworth Road near
89th Street Sunday when a twister barreled through the area.
Dugger told NBC Action News reporter George Kiriyama that he was forced to jump
into a ditch when the tornado came towards him. Dugger said he held on to weeds
as the twister whipped him around. "Anything I could find just to hold me down.
I couldn't get to the bottom of the hill fast enough."
After a minute of sheer terror, the winds stopped and Dugger got up. He dusted
himself off and walked the rest of the way with the pie...hamburger, extra
cheese.
Sherry Mason says she couldn't believe it when Dugger rang the doorbell. "My
God! You're not the delivery pizza person are you?" Mason asked. "He said Yeah!
I left it inside your door..and the first thing I wanted to do was throw my arms
around him and go Oh My God you're alive."
Mason told NBC Action News she couldn't believe anyone would go to all the
trouble to deliver a pizza.
About that, Dugger simply said "It's my job."
5/10/03. Jake Roberts: "Reach
out for me - I'm a snake. Never trust a snake."
Wrestlecrap is one of
my all-time favorite sites but I don't think I've ever linked it before.
Funny that. Bookmark it. He can't afford too much bandwith so he
updates the site weekly and all the old content disappears.
5/07/03. Epa! Tao has
actually gone ahead and added some content to his site! Check it out.
Good read.
5/3/03. Click
here to crash IE. All
instances of IE will close and you'll lose everything. It may even crash
your computer. Read all about it
here.
Here's a funny e-mail I just received.
FROM: <xpyxhr@ibm.com> | Save Address
DATE: Fri, 02 May 2003 21:32:14 -0400
TO: <bleachwhiteskeleton@chessthecat.com>
SUBJECT: bleachwhiteskeleton Stay Hard All Night Long From Now On .
SAVE 80% ON VIAGRA TODAY!
* No Doctors Visit
* No Consulting Fee
* FREE Shipping!
Bleach White Skeleton,
stay hard all night long from now on! lmao! He'll be happy to hear
about this. His bones are so brittle.
5/2/03. Announcing the
glorious return of Calvin the Camcat! The link is on the sidebar.
You know
when you're walking down the street and you feel like someone is watching you?
Or you're walking down what you think is an empty hallway but you feel like
someone is staring at you? And when you turn around you find that someone
is? Well, Rupert Sheldrake has written a book about that feeling called "The
Sense of Being Stared At." He was on the CBC recently and that's where
I first heard of him. He claimed that people could tell 60% of the time
when they were being stared at which is higher than the 50% that one might
expect by chance. He performed his experiment in the studio. He'd
flip a coin to determine whether he would stare at the subject who was turned
around. The subject had to then declare whether or not he was being stared
at. At the end of the experiment the subject guessed right exactly half
the time; the expected result. But Mr. Sheldrake claimed that that
had happened by chance. He also claimed that he's observed the phenomenon
demonstrated over distances spanning thousands of miles. At any rate, I do
know the sensation of being stared at and thought I'd conduct my own experiment
with Starsmars. I scored exactly 10 out of 20 tries. Frankly, I was
surprised. I really thought I'd have scored higher. Why am I telling
you this? Because I hate academics. 
very often.
There's nothing wrong with that. But if you'd post a little more often,
you'd make your readers very happy." To which I reply what readers?
Everyone knows that blogs don't actually get read by anyone.
"Website content management author Gerry McGovern says
that something like
One of the things that makes America a truly great nation is
Public Access television. In the USA it's the LAW that any nerd or jerkbot
can get on TV and have his say. Well, some nerds in Portland have a show
on Public Access called
My
grandfather was up at Wal-mart the other day and they're taking donations for
the soon to be built Juno Beach Center in Normandy, France. The girl
taking donations got to talking to him and told him about the center. She
asked him if he 'ever heard of Juno Beach.' He had to laugh because he
landed on Juno Beach in 1944 with the
5/22/03.
Originally I was rooting for
I bought Jerry
Seinfeld's Comedian the other day. I had no choice. It was never
going to show here in a million years. It was pretty good but that awful
Orny Adams guy should be cut right out of it. He sucked. The best
thing about this movie was all the footage of the New York comedy clubs,
especially 79th Street Stand-up. I've been there a couple of times.
The last time I was there with Starsmars we were laughing so hard I think I
vomitted. Check that place out. (Tip: take the Kramer reality
tour and Kenny Kramer will hook you up with passes that waive the cover.)
Anyway, unless
you're a diehard Jerry fan or a fan of documentaries I'd say this is a rental
only because Orny ruined this movie for me. 
