They say that the children are the leaders of tomorrow.  And in that song they mention something about children being "our future."  After reading "If I Were President" I wept for the future of America.  The idea behind the book is to interview kids and get a sneak peek into what these future lawmakers have in store for us.  As a God-fearing patriot I feel it is my duty to expose the horrors that will unfold in the next 30 years unless we do something today to stop these kids!  Even more disheartening is the fact that, according to the people who compiled this book, these ideas represent "the very best (submissions)."

Let's take a look shall we?

"I would take care of my gold."

A girl in the third grade named Leila writes: "I would be happy forever.  I would take care of my gold and I would have a big bookshelf...I would help the poor and I would give the poor some of my gold."  So in other words, little Leila looks forward to the day she can scrap the Republic of the United States and replace it with some twisted monarchy whereupon she does nothing all day but sit on top of a huge mountain of gold just like the Queen of England.  But don't get too upset because she will share some of her gold with the less fortunate every once in awhile.  I'm sure they'll appreciate it since they'll be working in her personal mines all day.  And notice how she slyly adds "forever."  I guess we can kiss term limits goodbye too.

Another third grader, this one named Stuart, is concerned with the health system in the United States:  "I would do something about medical care, because many people get sick and die.  I would get some volunteer doctors and they would serve for free one time a week.  I would try very hard to make a medicine for AIDS."  Clinton couldn't nationalize health care and he wanted to pay doctors!  Let's see how far you get on this one.  And I can just see this guy screwing around in the Oval Office with dangerous chemicals trying to make a medicine for AIDS while the Hotline is ringing off the hook!  Get a clue!

The most disturbing trend I found in this book is the number of children who can't wait to turn the good ol' US of A into some sort of Communist Paradise!  Vincent wants  to "(eliminate) car payments.  Every Saturday, I would make everything free at every mall in the United States.  And I would want my face on the $500 bill." Stacy would "lower the price on Ferraris to $4000."  And Christy "would have pizza delivered to everyone's house on Friday nights."  Take it to Russia pinkos!  I'm sure the crypto-Commies back in the Motherland would love to hook you up with a cushy Kremlin job.

"Instead of spending money on private airplanes, helicopters, and limousines, I'd spend it on children's education." says Andrew.  Have fun walking to Europe.  But I'm sure that money will be appreciated by Mrs. Surrey's 3rd grade class in Albany, New York for the entire month that it would help them for.

"I would want kids to study hard and do the best they could do.   I would help them do this by giving them $1 for every 'A' on their report card.  This dollar would  be put into the bank and could only be used for college."  So if a kid was able to get straight As in every subject, every semester, every year of school, lessee, he'd have about $80 kicking around for college.  What's that?  Four pizzas?  Real smart tough guy.  I'm guessing you won't be getting that single for math.

But when these kids start tackling the issue of world peace, watch out!  Matt says he "would take all the weapons and throw them into the sea.  The Army would use squirt guns and water balloons to fight the wars."  That's a great idea Matt!  Why didn't we think of that before!   Because I'm sure that the Reds will go along with this plan too!  And your buddy bin Laden will be happy to make the switch!   Of course, the Reds will probably show up with Super Soakers or something.  Then the Marines will have to show up with maybe a firehose.  And if bin Laden's boys show up with a full blown water cannon then we'd have to bring a water bomber.  Before you know it we've created a water balloon large enough to destroy the entire world and we're back to where we started.  All thanks to Dr. Strangelove himself:  Matt.

Say goodbye to Mommy's brain medicine.  Thank Marques.

Marques "would get rid of all drugs by gathering all the drugs that I can, putting them into a rocket and sending it to Mars."  Tough beans if you have a headache I guess.  Or cancer.

"I would relate to the people.  Instead of keeping things 'top secret', I would tell the people.  Even if I did wrong I would admit it and try to correct it."  You poor, sweet, naive fool.  Rule number one in politics is never admit there is a possibility that you may not have always been right.  Rule two is don't post schematics for DARPA's AI project on your personal website because you don't believe in 'top secret.'   (I can't believe there has to be a rule for that now.)

When will it end?

"I would save the people from dying.  I would save the animals from dying.  I would save the turtles from dying.  I would save fish from dying.  I would save my mom and dad from dying."  OK, seriously, you've got my vote Jesus.

If any of these kids realize their dreams of wielding the ultimate power then God have mercy on us all.  I say, this generation is a write-off.  Let's just scrap it and start from scratch.

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