International Anarchy Wrestling

So Bubba, his buddy Jay, and our mutual friend, Tao all went to see an indie wrestling match last Friday.  Bubba, Jay, and Tao are filming a documentary on the world of professional wrestling.  I just tagged along with the idea that at the very least I'd have a few laughs.  I paid $10 for my ticket and at the end of the night I felt that I had cheated them.  I got my ten bucks worth of laughs within the first couple of minutes of the evening when they played the first of many amplified fart noises over the PA.

Lufisto and Warhed in the Fans Bring the Weapons Match

So the big draw of the card was the Fans Bring the Weapons Match.  Bubba and Tao stopped by a dollar store and picked up some sweet weps:  butterfly net, skipping rope/nunchuks, pie plate and a floatie.  The man behind Bubba's super high end camera is Jay.  I didn't bring a weapon.  I couldn't decide between a stapler and a chainsaw so in the end I brought nothing but my skid marked underwear.

Here's a shot of all the weapons people brought.  Some sick-in-the-head brought a hockey stick with three light bulbs taped to the end.  Little did I know that I would soon be showered with that glass and that a very small dot of glass would come to rest on my eye film.

This is Lufisto who was fighting in the Weapons match.  On the side she dresses up like Sailor Moon to entertain the Otaku at anime conventions.  She's the kind of wrestler that is willing to do anything for the fans, including biting her opponent's tennis balls in order to injure him.

Here's Jay filming the entrance of Lufisto's opponent Warhed.  He came in with a small live pink bunny impaled on a 2x4.  HO!

Hahahaha!  Warhed was loving the butterfly net.  He turned to the crowd asking if we wanted to see him use it.  Everyone did!  He attempted to net Lufisto but she literally turned the tables on him and applied the net to Warhed's warhead instead!  OH OH!  Unable to break free or even breathe, Warhed was about to expire but Lufisto took pity on his crumpled form and used her might thighs to tear the net from his sweaty cranium.  What a nicey!

King Kong Bundy--seen in the front row beside the bald fat dude in the orange shirt--almost had a small major heart attack when the match spilled over into the crowd! 

OH OH Spaghetti-O!  Lufisto is apparently injured as evidenced by the blood gushing from the fake blood capsule impaled in the gaping wound in her scalp. 

Hamilton Street Fight

So here I am sitting in a rental unit on a plywood box in front of a ring that had actually fallen apart during the first match.  The last thing I was expecting was for some MANIAC to swing a lightbulb sword at the wall behind me showering me with glass.   I mean I expect that sort of behaviour at Arby's but not at an illegal street fight held behind a triple bolted steel door!  To be fair, we were given a warning.  Two seconds prior to the worst glass storm since Kristalnacht, we were politely advised to "Move." 

No, I didn't snap the above at the Diogenes Gentlemen's Club!  It's a wrestler being thrown from the top rope onto a garbage can below.

OH NOES!!!11!  The garbage can has been RUINED!  It's impossible to throw out a broken garbage can!  Unless you write a note on the can that reads "Garbage."  Sometimes that doesn't even work because the garbageman just thinks that you're labelling the contents of the can.  Maybe they can squash the can some more and get it into a second garbage can.  Then they can put that can out on the curb and as long as no one looks in, it should make it into the truck.

The Wrestlers

This wrestler came out dressed as King Tut.  Because there's nothing that broadcasts STRENGTH more than a 12 year old boy king who has been dead for 3000 years.

This was the first wrestler out.  His name was the Superstar.

Unfortunately, his brown leotard earned him the nickname "The Human Turd" from his opponent.  The fans were quick to adopt it.

This gentleman was named Phil Latio.  He came in during Joe E Legend's match.   Latio told Legend that he thought it was time for them to MAKE OUT!  Of course, what he meant was he thought it was time for them to SETTLE THEIR DIFFERENCES IN THE RING!  An innocent mistake but the crowd leapt on it!  Phil was on the receiving end of much laughter.  He tried to correct himself but it was too late!  The damage was done!  I doubt he'll ever live that down.  A sad story.

Other Characters

Here we have the time keeper.  Truly he rang the bell with precision and skill.  No, seriously you RACISTS!

The hardest working man in the biz.  What was it that Seinfeld said?  The pro wrestling ref is like Larry of the Three Stooges.  You don't really need him but it wouldn't be the same without him.

This guy is the Wizard of Id.  He writes for indie wrestling websites.  He's also wrestled and even did some time as a pit fighter in Vancouver.

End of the night

Other highlights of the night:

International Anarchy Wrestling.  A winner.