How to Spoon

Spooning is an art in itself.  And a dying one at that.  So chessthecat.com would like to present, as a public service, a guide on the proper techniques of spooning.

Name:  The Classic

What it is:  The Classic will never go out of style.  It's the most popular spoon around.  Try it and see!  I know, I know.  That guy in Mallrats said there's nowhere to put your arm.  Do what I do.  You just lay on it.  It's actually quite comfortable.  And after a few months, the nerves in your arm will have atrophied so much you won't even notice that your arm is without circulation.

Name:  The Skater

What it is:   If you only know two spooning positions they should be the Classic and the Skater.  Use the Skater if you're tired of doing all the spooning work.  Let your girlfriend pick up some of the slack.  I've named this one in honor of the greatest heroes of feminism:  Girl Skaters. 

Name:  The Post Modern

What it is:  This is the perfect spoon for a rainy day or sitting under a tree watching the clouds go by.  I don't recommend the arm above the head however.

Name:  The Scissor

What it is:  The Scissor is one of the more technically demanding spoons in the spooning arsenal.  It's great on a cold night.  Not an appropriate summer spoon at all.  Both spooners must face each other.  The only drawback is that you're both breathing in each other's face all night.

Name:  The Trailer Park

What it is:  What's happening here is the girl fell asleep hours ago and her boyfriend's come home from God knows where and he's been there God knows how long doing God knows what.  The best he can do is just kind of fall asleep on top of her.

Name:  The Invert

What it is:  Also known as the Head to Toe  the Invert is good when you're sleeping over at a friend's house.  Or if you just enjoy some good toe.