Poetry gone mad.  Bonepoems.

Years ago, in the early 90s, before the web, there were bulletin board systems.  I'm going to sound really old but those were the good old days.  2400bps modems.  Back then the staff of this page made lots of neat software called Boneware.  There was BoneTale, BoneCraps, BonePass, Bone everything; all programmed in BASIC.  We would upload the software here and there and people would download it.  When people weren't downloading it as fast as we would have liked we decided to promote it by writing these poems.  Beats me. The poems were intentionally  bad.  However, when we uploaded them into the Compuspec forum we had people start analyzing them and finding meaning that we didn't put there.  These poems SUCK and were meant to, but we all had a laugh reading some student's comments about them.   Students.  ?  If only I had those comments this article would prolly have been a lot funnier.  C'est la vie.  I know Tao and Freeze will enjoy them.  And isn't that all that really matters?

Parte the First

Hey Shylah.  Well pin a rose in my nose!  There is a fun game in the RPG forum on this bbs. 
You don't have to buy,
So don't be shy
And pick up your copy of Bonetale!

You have been chosen
with your tight Lederhosen
to play our game.....
Bonetale 2000!

How do you like these stanzas
We hate Tony Danza
Just download Bonetale 2000za.

Norm's apples are red
Chikoonyoos are blue
In the dox we mention
You!

With this game on your back
Get the hell outta your sack
and play Bonetale 2000!

Don't be a spider
We know you're a fighter.
Come on it won't bite you
Like a cup of glue it will stick to you!

How to save cash.

Ouch honey.
I stepped on a nail.
Come on government get rid of the jail.

I really give a care.
And abolish stinking welfare.

Don't get blue you shrew.
Did you know milk comes from a moo?
Such moo juice can help feed you!

Call up your chums.
Save your old chewing gum.
Come on what a pity.

Call up a Tess.
And round up the homeless.
What a pity.
There's too many in our city.

I see no future.
If gates plays euchre!
He might be sysop but he
might get the pitstop!

The Ancient Images

Hello.  Death is upon us.
OH no, look out the black bus from beyond.
The orange and blue dust.
looking for the ancient crust.
The owl swoops down
Without the mighty frown.
listen to me Odipus
we seal you with the death kiss.

To The Xoltarian Empire

Xoltarians, Xoltarians
Tougher than barbarians,
We fight for our race,
We fight for our song,
We're big, bad, more advanced and strong!

We drank from the Bee-Hive,
So we are the only nation to survive.
We'll shape your head into a bend,
We'll fight 'till the very end.

So lift up your guns,
And sing out a song,
Mark the date,
Cause the Xoltarians will ASSIMILATE,
And the Xoltarian Empire lives forever...

To Rose

There once was a girl named Rose,
Who had these things coming out of her nose,
What they were,
No one was sure,
At least they weren't coming out of her NOSE!

To Eshkoo

ESHKOO
I see you
Don't be afraid
of the dark

ESHKOO
You are blue
are you sick?
I told you not to lick.

ESHKOO
Look at the glue,
Don't be mad,
It will dry soon.

ESHKOO
You blew,
Take my Hanky,
WOW you are lanky

ESHKOO
I see you
Don't be afraid
of the dark.

For me and you:  The lost poem.

**************Reward****************
in our carelessness we seem to have lost this poem...so if anyone out there has it and can send it to one of us you will be rewarded...maybe $50!!!! thanks....

For you and me

Tapeworm has another headsplitting poem for you:
Michael's and Bastion
are about to start clashin'
|While Rick Martel is
in his spring fashion.

What do you see a future Bruce Lee?
No its only Chris Panzanini.

Little Suzy wears clothes
with little red bows.
And some fun shoes on
her tiny blue toes.

Chiquenu

Chiquenu,
WE MISS YOU
Where have you gone?
Its been like so long!
Are you there?
Are you here?
QUARDUNUE,
I'm fooling you
HAHA TAKE THE QUEEN,
Mister machine.

Kiril
What can we say?
not much,
but we think you're gay.

To NDP

Hey you
Yes you,
you in the shoe,
why are you,
Hurting ESHKOO?

He is sad,
he thinks we've been had,
I think so too,
what about you?
and you, and you, and you?

Marriage,
beautiful thing it is,
but in his age,
are people trying to change,
the very definition,

To Paramount

Warp ONE,
Engage.
Number ONE,
Engage.
Final ONE,
Engage.
Only ONE,
Engage.
Picard,
Engage.

I think we're done.

I think we're done,
I hope it
I am holding a Gun,
I am holding it to my head,
I bet you wish we were dead,
I know it seems we are well fed.

Don't be sad,
but be glad,
say hello to the dog named Rover,
it is not over, we've had lots of fun.
this is only the start,
I'm only stopping because I have to.....

Antiquities

Oh woe is ye
You sitting under the tree
You and your state of glee
while my eyes are full of tea
for not reading my poetry.

And my ears of full of tears
You didn't even make a jeer
are you queer?  do you fear?

so what do you think of that?
you had better hide in your hat!
And cover yourself up with that fat!

I cry myself to sleep
because I didn't hear a peep.
Out of you "buffs"
You shouldn't be so gruff!
So scroll back a couple emails.